(Eph 4:32) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
A tender heart is one that is very forgiving; one that is compassionate, soft, sympathetic and pitiful. Children have tender hearts. If you have ever done something to a child and then asked for forgiveness, they may at first deny you forgiveness, but if you pout or urge them with either false or real emotions, they will give in and forgive you. This is because they have a tender heart. The Old Testament word for tender is used for children to describe their inability to handle hardships – “And he said unto him, My lord knoweth that the children are tender, and the flocks and herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die.” Jesus also used the Greek counterpart in the New Testament to describe new growth on plants – “ Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:”
God desires us to have a tender heart with which we are readily able and willing to forgive others. God told King Josiah that He heard the king’s prayer because his heart was tender (2 Chron 34:27) and God withheld His outpouring of judgment upon Israel until after King Josiah died.
Tenderness seems to be related to God’s nature as David refers to the “tender” mercies of God ten times in Scripture. We can all be grateful for God’s tender mercies just as David was.
A tender heart is not a natural occurrence – a child has one in early days but as he/she grows into adulthood, they too often develop the opposite of a tender heart which is a bitter heart. In order to develop a tender heart, we must first see our self in the light of God’s holiness and purity. When Isaiah saw God high and lifted up he recognized his true condition and confessed his sinfulness. When Peter saw the miraculous catch of fish he bowed before Jesus and confessed his sinfulness. Both these men recognized their own state in the presence of God and humbly confessed their sinfulness.
The opposite of a tender heart is a bitter heart. There are many people today that have bitter hearts. A bitter heart is an unforgiving heart, one that holds a grudge or grievance against another. A person with a bitter heart sees the transgression or offense against them as being worse than anything they have ever done against another or even against God. They can remember all the details of the offense and they refuse to forgive -- they often say they cannot forgive, but this is not true. They confuse forgive with forget. Some things will never be erased from our memories, but too many are retained because we refuse to forget also. They harden their hearts to the voice of God and become blind to the work of God in and through the offender. Often they become vengeful and seek to “get even” with the offender(s). Some even withdraw from socializing or even from church all the while professing to be Christian living in victory.
If they would be rid of that bitter heart they must seek God’s mercy and forgiveness. They need to recognize their bitterness and confess and forsake it. Those who have bitter hearts usually have strong holds in their life as well. Once they make full confession of their bitterness and anger, they can seek God’s cleansing power of the Holy Spirit and fully forgive their offender(s). If this has gone on for a long time it will take some time to re-adjust and begin to develop a tender heart.